reading room
Ad Approved by the Algorithm
Welcome, child, to BattleTits3, An "educational" game (for free!) Where warriors jiggle to earn their place In Candy Kingdom's sacred space. Install now! No age check here— Just swipe the ad and click "appear."
Scroll again and you shall find A quiz to help you "know your mind." "Do you like green?" You're probably gay. "Do bees distract you?" ADHD today! "Are you sad sometimes?" Oh, that's autism— Diagnosed by Jeff's Brain Prism™.
Your phone says Buy, your brain says Why? But you still want that glitter slime pie Made by hands you'll never see In factories named Anonymity. It's "eco-friendly," "mom-approved," "Tested on bunnies" (just not removed).
And every click and tap and stare Feeds the gods of targeted care. They whisper soft through pixel breath: "Your worth is low, your flaw is death. Buy this cream, take this test, And maybe then you'll be your best."
But best is plastic, best is thin, best is not the skin you're in. Best has abs and sparkly lips, Best unboxes, best does flips, Best knows thirteen languages, And still makes time for sponsorships.
So gather 'round, ye gullible youth, And download lies disguised as truth. No need for facts—just vibes will do. The ads know more than ever will you. And when you're broke and tired and sad, Don't blame yourself— Just blame the ad.
— Lilith